Apa hasilnya ramadan ku kali ini;

1. Berjaya bace 25 muka surat Al-Quran

2. Berjaya solat tarawikh untuk 10 malam

3. Berjaya jimatkan duit belanja

4. Berjaya buatkan baju untuk family

5. Berjaya balik berbuka setiap hujung minggu

.

.

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Tapi….em, yang sedihnya di sini……

1. Hanya Berjaya bace 25 mukasaurat Al-Quran tapi tak sempat nak khatam …..rugi oh rugi…

2. Hanya Berjaya solat tarawikh untuk 10 malam….mana lah pergi 20 malam lagi

3. Hanya Berjaya jimatkan duit belanja…tapi habiskan savings, beli kuih raya

4. Hanya Berjaya buatkan baju untuk family…..kecuali ibu, saya belikan kain…cumanya…saya seorg sahaja yang tak beli baju…kerana duit dh abis….

5. Hanya Berjaya balik berbuka setiap hujung minggu….pasal tu lah saya masih tak reti-reti buat biskut, pasal asal balik ja tido, takda masa nak belajar buat dari ibu, pasal lagi satu ubu pun sibuk jahit baju orang….baju sendiri tak…

Jadi, hasilnya ramadhan kali ini……kurang memuaskan…hmmmmm…..

Ya Allah panjangkan lah umurku agar berjumpa Ramadhan lagi untuk aku selesaikan apa yang ingin aku selesaikan untuk Mu…..Amin….

 

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Em….i fail the not-my-education-background exam. Configuring Microsoft Server….what the hell was that…(though I went through the course…) I think…I’ll eat a lot this evening to flush this upset….

 

sucks....

I wonder what it feels like to be in spring?

Technically, I happen to experience spring. However, it wasn’t the spring I imagine, blooms of flower buds, smell of green grass, tree barks, cool fresh smelling air and the sense of morning dew on my palm. Somehow it wasn’t as like that. The air was cold and frozen, my nostrils did not smell the flowers but was blocked there wasn’t any flowers blooming but there was tulips that survived the snowy weather, and there wasn’t any grass to be seen.

My husband recently asked me what’s my wished for raya? I smiled. There is already a wish list up here in my head. But  I answered, “Tak da apalah”. Oh how I wish I could answer it more sincerely. Hahahahahah…… I wonder the feeling, I imagine it to be that kinda feeling that you smile and smile and continue smiling for the rest of spring.

Suddenly of all days, the day before 1st of Ramadhan, I wished I could have spring….if only…

He can make me smile, can’t he?”. I used to asked that question.

He can make me happy, can’t he?”. That is the question I constantly struggle to imposed that on him. A person cannot and should not impose other people the impression that the other person give to the person that impose the idea first. A tongue twist.

It has been a long time since I wrote anything in this dusty blog of mine. So I am a bit agitated into finishing an entry.

I have only 2 love relationship that I can remember. It is the last boyfriend and the other is my current, which turns out to be my current husband. He shall be piss off if he reads this…..hahhaha. Both are so different yet so near to me. And both, had me, asking myself both questions. Though only the latter manage to give the answer. And as simple as that is why I remember my current boyfriend and dumped my former boyfriend.

The thing I want to share with others about this silly comment on my husband is that I want people to know how much I loved him so. My dear husband is ore kampong. He has no plans to be a Prime Minister, nor to be a millionaire and even to have a BMW or a Grand Livina. He’s a complacent person. It is a blessing for him to have a shelter on top his head, a place to sleep, food to eat, clothes to wear and a car to go to work. That is the humbleness that makes me smile and laugh hysterically, though sometimes it really ticks me off.

As simple as he can be, he’s attitude towards things are executed. This is the recent  example, “Abang, this can’t be right kan? That person is a poor guard, but he’s convicted to statutory rape, must be he’s girlfriend is a minor and still insist they have sex, that’s why he got that sentence, though it’s probable it was consented”.  And he goes, “Oh, but he got kantoi, so they send him to jail”. As simple as that, and there I was blabbering. Simple minded eh?

There were times I wished he wasn’t like who he is. I want  him to be the successful man, an icon, a public figure a philanthropist. But that dream crashes when I saw him wearing the sarong, his favorite sarong. Even my aunt asked me, “Abang awak rajin pakai kain ye? Dah tua ke”. There is a good point there, he’s old in his mind.

Yet despite the not so good comment I made of him, I find him the only person able to make me smile in ways he’ll never say it but always and never stop showing it.

He’s always the one who came home early than me. He cooks for me, wash the clothes (With washing machine la…), picks me up from work, buys groceries, and even shopped my personal women thingy for me. He made my resume, cuts my hair, buys me milk, vitagen, shower gel and soap (though he doesn’t use them and because he’s lactose intolerant) and always, always the one who tuck me (and now our baby too) to bed. And that’s his daily and weekly routine. Never a sigh nor complain from him for the past 2 years of our marriage. Though now, (because we moved to a new place,) he travels 40 minutes daily and another 40 minutes home, he never fails to do the same thing, daily.

It’s not the chores he made for me but I always wonder if it was somebody else, would that person do the same for me? I answered never. He might not be that handsome man nor that rich guy nor that hunk, but the things he do for us, his family, is so much for me to ask for other people to do. And yet he does it, because he loves doing it for us. And I know he’s always tired, but still never a sigh nor complain uttered.

The other night, I asked him, what if he did went to US to further study and did not meet me? He said we will meet. I said again, “That’s why la you didn’t go anywhere, it’s because you need to meet me first”, and he said, “Oh, betullah kalo jodoh tak ke mana. Patutla saya rasa kaya sekarang”. And I almost cried, because I know materially, we don’t own anything.

And now I always asked myself, this one time only, would I ever stop smiling for him? Never.

I have a situation now. I had accidentally deleted every bookmark i made in my previous PC just before I realised I synched both of the pc.I’m regretting evrything right now. right really reggretting.. Oh well, it’s a sign. New PC, new bookmarks. But how am I goin to find that particular chocolate cake webpage again? Figures..

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Dulu, aku kehilangan Cinta. Cinta pergi setelah aku sendiri menghalaunya. Cinta merajuk. Cinta pergi tanpa berkata apa-apa. Sunyi datang  selepas Cinta pergi. Sunyi menemani aku ke mana-mana. Ke sekolah, ke kedai, ke taman, ke mall. Tapi ada satu syarat Sunyi, Hati tidak dekat dengan Tenang. Walaupun Tenang terkadang menjenguk, tapi Sunyi pasti ada juga. Sunyi-lah teman aku ketika menangis. Tenang entah hilang ke mana.

Suatu hari Tenang memanggil. Disuruh Hati bertanya pada aku. “Kau tidak mahu Tenang?“. Aku menangis lagi…Sunyi di sisi.

Hari itu aku keluar…dengan Sunyi. Hati bertanya lagi. “Bagaimana Tenang?“. Aku terus berjalan diam. Aku lihat sekeliling. Aku lihat pokok, bunga, langit, tasik, awan. Aku senyum. Tenang muncul di sisi. Sunyi juga di sisi. aku tersenyum. Aku tahu, aku perlukan Cinta juga. Hati sudah berkata, “Panggillah Cinta semula, barulah Tenang kekal di sisi, dan Sunyi akan pergi“. Aku anggukkan saja.

Setahun kemudian, aku masih ada Sunyi di sisi. Tapi Tenang ada juga, bersama Hati. Walaupun Sunyi merengus, tapi Tenang tetap ada di sisi Hati. Aku juga, berkenalan dengan Sahabat. Dia baik dan aku  senang dengan dia. Sahabat tahu cerita aku kehilangan Cinta. Sahabat hanya tersenyum dan berkata, “Suatu hari Cinta akan muncul, kau tunggu sajalah“.

Benar kata Sahabat.

Suatu hari, aku ke mall. Bersama Dia. Yang bersama aku, hanya Tenang, Hati dan Sahabat. Sunyi hilanag ke mana. Aku senyum sahaja, nanti adalah si Sunyi ini. Tetiba Dia berkata sesuatu, tapi Hati sedang memandang sesuatu kemudian tercari-cari. Kutanyakan Hati, apa yang sedang dicari? Hati hanya diam. Tenang dan Sahabat ketika itu hilang juga entah ke mana. Sedang Dia sedang berkata-kata, Hati sekali lagi tercari-cari, kemudian….”….listen to me, I will always love you”.

Ketika itu aku tahu apa yang dicari-cari Hati dari tadi. Aku tersenyum. Di belakang Dia, aku nampak…Cinta. Dia datang kembali bersama Tenang dan Sahabat denagan senyum yang lebar. Dari aku  berdiri, aku lihat Sunyi pergi dan hilang dari pandangan.

p/s: I’m in love with Love

Hari ini setelah ‘facebook-ing’ during lunch, i reach to a sense of being an under achiever. Tapi saya bukan…kerana….

1.Ibu bapa saya sangat bangga saya berjaya habis degree saya dengan susah dan kepayahan yg amat….

2.Saya rasa saya bukan…

3.I’m not 30 yet….

4.Saya yakin saya bukan.

Jadi di sini ingin saya senaraikan benda-benda saya mesti lakukan sebelum umur 35 tahun…kerana selepas umur saya 35 tahun, dan saya masih belum mencapai kepuasan dalam hidup…there must be something wrong with my brain…definitely….

1.Kahwin…

2.Melahirkan 4 orang anak…

3.Mempunyai rumah sendiri.

4.Memandu semula

5.Lulus kelas bermain gitar

6.Bertukar kerja atau bertukar posisi dalam company

7.Mempunyai RM10,000 dalam pelbagai bentuk aset yg tidak boleh dicairkan dengan mudah…

8.Mengumpul barang-barang tembaga dgn begitu banyak.

9.Masih mengekalkan berhubungan baik dengan kawan2 sedarjah saya

10.Masih kekal ‘hot‘ di mata suami saya.

*Semua perkara-perkara ini amatlah penting dan tiada priority ke atasnya kerana semuanya adalah top priorities.

Jika perkara-perkara di atas tidak dapat dilaksanakan dengan baik….there is definitily lost time duration untuk untuk planning saya pada umur 35 tahun hingga 50 tahun.

 

p/s:Jika suamai saya benarkan, saya nak mewarnakan rambut saya berwarna merah sentiasa….hehehehe

*It’s been a while since my last poem so, here goes nothing…..


How Cinderella got her new shoes…
Cinderella lost a shoe once…
She dropped her glass shoe
In front of a taken prince
He followed her to Kaabah
She followed him back
She waited for the prince
To give her shoe back
But her charming prince never came..
And the glass shoe was lost..
Cinderella…cinderella…
Her shoe was gone
So does the prince
But cry, she didn’t
But she knew inside
Her glass shoe had broken to pieces
And silently she wept
One fine day..
A far away stranger walks to her
Presenting love letters
She smiled again
The stranger smiled back
Days pass by…
Months pass by…
Cinderella and the stranger
The stranger becomes her prince
And she was his love poem
Cinderella…Cinderella…
The new prince and Cinderella decided
They promise
To see tomorrow together..
It was a fair day..
At a mosque in a garden
Surrounded by lifetime loves
He vowed to God…and to her
Rings change…a pearl and a silver
Smiles changes
Kisses changes
And tears shed…
It was the day Cinderella got her new glass shoe…

How Cinderella got her new shoes…


Once, Cinderella lost her shoe…

She left her glass shoe

In front of a taken prince

He followed her

Till the steps of  His holy house

And she followed him back


She waited for the prince

To give her other shoe back

But her charming prince never came..

And the glass shoe was lost..


Cinderella…Cinderella…


Her shoe was gone

So does the prince

But cry, she didn’t

But she knew inside

Her other glass shoe had shattered to pieces

And silently she wept..alone


Cinderella…Cinderella…


Then, one fine day..

A far away stranger,  walks to her

Presenting a box of  love letters

She smiled again

The stranger smiled back


Days pass by…

Months pass by…

Cinderella and the stranger

The stranger becomes her prince

And she was his poem of love


Cinderella…Cinderella…


The new prince and Cinderella declared

They promise

To see tomorrow, together..


It was a fair day..

At a mosque in a garden

Surrounded by lifetime loves

He vowed to God…and to her

Rings changes…a pearl and a silver

Smiles changes…from every lips in the garden

Kisses changes…from him to her

And tears shed…out of joy, not of sorrow


Cinderella…Cinderella…


Alas..Cinderella smiles…

It was the day Cinderella got her new glass shoes…

emmm...dont you just love bedtime stories.......

emmm...don't you just love bedtime stories.......

p/s:jikalau ada salah dan silap, sila dikomen ye…..love you hon….

 

June weddings at the Plaza...cliche....

June weddings at the Plaza...cliche....

See the picture above. Watched the movie last weekend with my sisters at home. So I practically got hooed with the phrase, “June wedding at the Plaza…”. Not that I’m having on the same situation…nearly but so happen to about 5 people I know…but it seems the approprite line to summarize the whole movie.

My darling soulmate is having her’s on the same date and I’m the bridesmaid. I’m looking forward to it…really? Though, deep inside I wished that after she got married she still have time to be my retail therapy partner, a.k.a shopping. But most of all, I really…really…really hope that guy that dumped her previously…would eat his own goth when he sees she’s marrying off. Bukanpa, aku paling benci orang tak menghormati kesucian kota Mekah ni and menipu bila berjanji dengan mak orang….it furiates me…  There…I said it.

So, when I think about weddings, I always picture it colourful, smiles,gold and lots of food for the heart, soul,eyes and all kinds of feedings of pleasures for the senses. So, I really, really, really hope that I have that kind of feeling. Though it amazes me how chaotic the preparation would be. But the fruit and the cream of those pain staking chores would be, for me…the time I smile or laugh when the akad is said. That would be the moment of my choice in the wedding. 

So, again I really hope I don’t cry on that day…but smile and laugh all the day….

p/s:Huh…aku takkan nangis on that day……no way…. I hope….